13 Foolproof Steps For Writing the 2nd Best Blog Post of All Time

There are good blog posts, there are great blog posts, and there’s the best blog post of all time (this one). Since the title of Best Blog Post Ever is permanently out of your reach (thanks to me), you can always follow these 13 foolproof steps to write the 2nd best blog post known to man. Make a list, check it twice, throw in some GIFs and keep it between 250 and 500 words. Let’s get right to the point.

1. Listen up. First step: Puppies!

2. Kittens are cool too!

3. Brevity. Make a big headline or subtitle and get to the point so the reader can move on.

4. Use keywords to ensure your blog post shows up in search result, but don’t overdo it (Bacon). You want search engines to find your blog post (How to Macarena) and that means you’ll need to use relevant keywords (Kanye West). The trick is to add keywords (Kim Kardashian Bacon) as seamlessly as possible (Miley Cyrus Bacon Sex). You don’t want your writing to feel robotic (Grumpy Cat) or like a forced SEO play (Justin Bieber).

5. Create controversy. Is this the best post? Damn right it is. Thanks for reading and agreeing or disagreeing. Contact me on Twitter at @TimChilcote to praise me for my genius. Or not, dummy.

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7. Get readers invested. You may as well have written this. Make people feel like your post was their idea. The writer is just the messenger, the medium by which readers blog. Make readers believe the post was their idea and watch as they add to the conversation: You, dear reader, are a great blogger. What have I left off this list?

8. Your readers are losing interest. Don’t panic. Just add another GIF.

9. Cross-pollinate social channels. I’m going to share this post like crazy. Hashtag = #MileyCyrusBaconSex. Join the party.

10. You’ll never read this far. If you’re reading this 10th tip it’s a miracle. No matter, you shared the post for its title alone. Success.

11. Numbered lists… I haven’t even mentioned numbered lists yet. People love lists almost as much as they love GIFs. Scroll, scan, digest. Is that BuzzFeed’s subtitle? Should be.

12. Be popular. This is the most important tip of all: Blogging is a competition to be the coolest person on the internet. Consider this post your challenge to write something even better.

13. Finish strong.

I’d offer an open-ended question to try to get you to leave a comment, but let’s face it, you’re going to link to your own blog post on how to write great blog posts. Get to it.

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