Look, as community managers, we try really hard to fix all your problems. We’re the therapists of the internet, and we’re here to fix all the brand woes we can.
With that being said, dear friends of the internet, we can’t fix everything. Here are a few things you shouldn’t expect when you tweet at a brand:
1. We aren’t medical professionals.
You know that disclaimer when you call your doctor’s office? “If this is a medical emergency, please hang up and dial 911 immediately.” This is a lot like that. Urgently tweeting at a brand that their product is causing you “ultimate agony” and that you “feel like you’re going to die” is not a wise health decision. While I would love to unveil my cover as a secret physician with a M.D. from Harvard University (shhhhh), I unfortunately must send you to our help line. No, you cannot DM me because it is urgent. I mean, you can, but I can’t respond. Since, ya know, I’m not a physician.
2. We can’t send you free stuff (for no reason).
Every time we send someone free stuff it’s usually a huge to-do. We have to have the budget, we have to bill it, we have to mail it, and then we have to have a tweet that’s even worth sending the free stuff. I can’t just decide to send you free stuff. I have to get it approved, even if it is a $3 product. I do wish I was Oprah and I could just send you loads of free stuff for no reason. It would be awesome. You would love me. I’d be so popular.
3. We can’t make you a model.
I’m sorry, but that model you’re seeing in our ads? I’ve never met her. She might even be a stock image, I don’t know, man! I can’t make you a model. I’m not Tyra Banks.
4. We can’t print a coupon and mail it for you.
But you CAN find an already-printed coupon in your NEWSPAPER!
5. We cannot tweet at your friend for their birthday, invite a girl to prom for you, or tell your mom you want to move out.
While I would love to ask Sarah to go to prom with you, most of our calendars are approved months in advance and our brand people are kind of picky. Sorry about that living arrangement with mom, though. But really, I’d love to do this fun stuff for you, but the man won’t let me. *sad emoji*
Community managers, what weird requests do you get? Tell us in the comments.